The Value of Questions

I am part of a coaches team for our church. We mentor (coach) small group leaders for the care groups in our church. I was in our quarterly meeting with all the coaches yesterday, and we discussed the value of questions. As I’ve been teaching communication for many years, I’ve utilized this idea many times. This time it felt a little different as we are coaching people for personal guidance rather than professional guidance.

However, looking at the value of questions in a professional setting is extremely important. When we utilize questioning techniques rather than telling techniques, we allow the listener to direct their own responses and opinions. Many times the listener will figure out the answers without the other person having to give any input.

Now I know this is difficult for people (like me) that like to talk! We just need to ask a question and hold our ground. Let the quiet space linger for 10-20 seconds to allow the listener to ponder our question. Depending on the behavior style of the listener, they many like to hear a question, think about it, create a solid response with reasoning and then verbally respond to the question. So, let them do this!

Good questions start are open-ended and typically start with how, why, what, etc. Questions that eliminate the opportunity for further dialogue are closed and start with when, do, etc.

Take some time this week to focus on questioning rather than telling!

Jessica Pierce
Accelerated Team Dynamics
www.atdsuccess.com
jessica@atdsuccess.com

When miscommunication happens in the marriage…

I’ve studied communication for over a decade in the corporate environment, through various different staffs and during training events and consulting with managers and leaders in corporations. However, I still get it wrong sometimes…

Sometimes it feels like my husband and I have a great discussion and make an intelligent decision, and then a couple weeks later we both feel like we were on two different planets during that discussion and we both walked away with different ideas of our final decision. What happens? Why the miscommunication?

Here’s the lowdown…

My interpretation - I am taking my 2 kids out of town next week, and I booked our flight to return on Sunday morning so we have the rest of the day on Sunday to relax and ensure we get home in time for my son to get to school on Monday morning. Not to mention, I’ll need a emotional break from being on a flight for 4 hours with my overly rambunctious one year old. He plans on going out of town on Friday night for a quick day trip to Mexico with a buddy, and he’s coming back on Saturday night. We love the ocean, and it will be a good mental break for him. I thought we discussed that my husband would pick us up from the airport when we got in on Sunday. Great - I’ll be relieved to see him after that long flight and 5 days a part.

His interpretation - My wife is headed out of town with the kids to spend time with her family in Ohio. I get to spend some wonderful relaxation time on the beach for the weekend with one of my buddies, what a great get away to re-energize myself. My family will be home on Sunday, and I get to see them when I get back from Mexico. I’ll be in a great mood from the beach and from the peace and quiet for a few days.

Did you notice the difference??? My interpretation is that he’ll be picking us up from the airport and be able to give me some relaxation time, and his interpretation is that he’ll be home later on Sunday after he finishes his vacation. Are either of us wrong? NOPE, just a difference in clearly communicating expectations.

This one is simple to solve. I can get someone to pick us up from the airport or he can come home early. We have chosen something in between as a win-win for us both, but how in the world did we completely misunderstand each other? I don’t know, but obviously it happens. I know his style, and he knows my style - we just didn’t listen closely enough to the other person.

Some issues are much more complex, so when misunderstandings do happen be sure to discuss them right away. The longer the “waiting” time, the longer the “recovery” time. Take time to sit down and listen from the other person’s point of view!

Have a great week and a wonderful day.

Jessica Pierce
jessica@atdsuccess.com
www.atdsuccess.com
480-284-5284

Can I try to be a different person?

I had an intriguing client engagement today, and one of the questions that came up after the workshop really made me think…

Someone asked me, “what if I am trying to be a different person, is that okay.” At first it took me off guard, I thought - why would we want to be different than who we are naturally. Why would we want to be in a position or a career that forces us to be different and makes us uncomfortable.

After a few moments in the discussion, I realized that this person was trying to be a better manager and increase her ability to have stronger people skills. OK, I get that and I’m sure her staff will greatly appreciate her efforts in that area. However, her natural tendencies will continue be to be a task driven person and focus on getting results rather than consulting many people.

My question remains, what if we want to be a different person than what we have naturally been gifted. I’m sure there are many reasons out there to stretch ourselves, learn and grow, but is doing a job that makes us have a high degree of worry and stress worth it?

My answer is - Yes, for a short time period this could be a good opportunity to learn a new skill, stretch our comfort zone and get out of our normal routine. However, over the long haul it could ware us out and become a huge stressor. Proceed with caution if you are continually placed in positions that aren’t natural for you (example: if you are continually doing routine work and your gifts are to be adventurous and visionary).

Happy Friday and have a great weekend!

Jessica Pierce
jessica@atdsuccess.com
www.atdsuccess.com

Think you have to be Outspoken to get Noticed?

I had an interesting conversation this week, and I think some of you may likely relate.

I have been working with some clients in a large U.S. based company. There has been an issue with one particular person on the management staff. There is a perspective of her from most other employees that she is difficult to get along with, has an authoritative decision-making style and always has to be right. I conducted an in depth analysis on her behavior style to get a good feel for where to start. Is this the type of person where a real intervention needs to happen with her being put on a corrective action plan?

After reviewing the assessment and having a brief conversation with her, in reality she is someone that loves to have people around her in making decisions. She is a data-gatherer, so the more information she has from various different people, the easier it is for her to make a decision. However, with her thrust into a management position she sees a need to be more aggressive in her management style. She seems to be demanding because the management examples she has had previously were also demanding. She can adjust to her more natural style by getting employees involved with decision-making and pushing for more consultative measures than authoritative. This small change will help her staff see a huge improvement in her management style.

She no longer needs to push for being outspoken all the time when she can revert to her more natural style, this will make her more comfortable and a better leader.

We all need to pursue life by living with our strengths rather than trying to “correct” our weaknesses.

What are your naturally gifted strengths and are you using them!

Jessica Pierce
www.atdsuccess.com
jessica@atdsuccess.com

Frustrated with Someone at Work

Now that you have taken this quick assessment and have a general idea of your style, it’s time to apply what you have learned…  If you have not yet taken the assessment, scroll down to March 17th. 

Think about that one person that you are most struggling with at work. Yes, the one that drives you crazy. The one that wakes you up in the middle of the night because you dread seeing him/her the next day. The one you try to avoid when going up the elevator and walking to your cube. You are sure that his/her primary job is to make you leave your group!

Now that you have a good idea of who this person (or persons) is, identify his/her communication style. Scroll down to the posting on March 17th, and fill it out based on what you think his/her answers would be. Consider these facts…

1. Do they have the same style as you?
2. Are they completely opposite?
3. Do you have any areas that overlap?

If you have the same style, then ensure you treating them exactly how you want to be treated. For example, if you have many of the same dominating (D) behaviors, then tone it down for that conversation. Spend more time listening rather than telling him/her how you feel.

If you are completely opposite, then you need to adapt your style to better fit the conversations. For example, if you are an influential (yellow/I) person, and they are a conscientious (blue/C) person, then ensure you are giving him/her facts rather than discussing relational issues such as family.

Lastly, if you do have some overlapping areas then utilize that as your foundation to communication. For example, let’s say you are a steady (green/S), and they have some of the behaviors in this category such as enjoying routine and stability. Then set up a meeting with them for a date in the near future, explain to them what you would like to discuss, and then be on time for the meeting.

Overall, if we look closely at ourselves then we can adapt to get along with just about anyone.

Have a blessed day!

Jessica M. Pierce
www.atdsuccess.com
jessica@atdsuccess.com
480-284-5284

What About the Detailed Blue Person?

Please refer to the assessment questions from March 17th. Fill out this quick 5 minute assessment prior to reading this blog.

If you had a high number of words circled in the blue section, or if this came into a close 2nd then please read carefully through this blog. If this is not your style, it is still important to understand the “blue” people that you interact with each day. You need to be able to modify your way of speaking to ensure you are meeting their communication needs.

These Concientious employees are excited to get a difficult challenge. They are designated problem solvers and will ensure that every area is thoroughly researched and correct before presenting the final results. They are also typically very careful listeners and will questions ideas that do not seem right. The employees in this category are so methodical and thorough that they may need a little push to make a final decision. Give them a deadline and then follow-up at that time.

The employees that show mostly blue behaviors are uncomfortable with changes and not tolerant of intuition. They need the information rather than the feeling. Therefore, if you are a higher yellow person, then you need to be sure you are prepared with the facts rather than your feeling when you have a discussion with a person in this category.

When approaching a person in the blue category, be more focused on the task that needs to be completed rather than building a strong interpersonal relationship. According to the folks in this category, there is a time and place for interpersonal relationships, and work is not the appropriate place. Also, bring the data - show them the reason that your specific idea needs to be implemented. Then give them time to go off and do their own research on your information.

Know your style, and know the style of others around you. It will make you the most influential person in your company!

Jessica M. Pierce
480-284-5284
jessica@atdsuccess.com